Why You Don’t Need More Self-Esteem

by Chris Ritter

Much is said about self-esteem these days.  To be honest, I don’t know what the technical definition of “self-esteem” is and I bet there are more than a million nuanced definitions of it.  My working definition of self-esteem is this:  an inner confidence that causes you to generally think good thoughts about yourself and leads you to act with confidence in the world.  Here’s what I’m realizing these days:  As a Christian, what you need is not self-esteem.  Let me explain.

 

Self-esteem is faulty from the very outset in that is starts with “self”.  You might wonder where else we could possibly start, and I’ll get to that in a moment.  But anything that immediately focuses on self-generated improvement of thinking and/or living is only going to lead you to be dissatisfied or arrogant – dissatisfied because you may fail at improving yourself or arrogance because you succeed more than others. 

 

What we need is far deeper and far greater than self-esteem.  What we need is something that is not rooted in ourselves, something that essentially helps us forget ourselves so that we can pour our lives out for other people in love and service.  What we need, simply put, is God.  I’ve thought about calling it “God-esteem” but that’s just really cheesy so I won’t… even though it is the idea I’m getting after.

 

What do I mean that we simply need God?  I’m glad you asked!  When we abandon our desperate search for self-esteem and rather seek to know and love God above all else, we end up finding ourselves.  The famous theologian Augustine said long ago in a prayer that our hearts are restless until they find their rest in God.  I think he’s exactly right.  Even if we succeed in getting a good self-esteem, our hearts remain restless and our identity must always be defended.  We continue striving to prove our worth to others, usually by either displaying our superiority or at least degrading others so we look better.  The answer to all this is not kinder thoughts and words, but a view of God so big (as big as he is, hopefully) that we find ourselves in relationship to him.

 

If any of that will ever happen, we must first get to the heart of the gospel.  The heart of the gospel is that you are more desperately wicked than you ever dare imagine, but in Jesus Christ are more perfectly loved than you ever dare hope.  Anyone outside of Christ has no hope in the world (1 Thess. 4:13), being dead in their sin and unable to live as they were created (Eph. 2:1-3).  There is none who does right, not even one.  Even our good deeds (and people can do legitimately good things) are tainted by sin, having no ability to bring us into right relationship with God.  But God, being rich in mercy and love, has made all who trust in Christ alive with Christ (Eph. 2:4-8).  The gospel is not that we deserve nothing and get everything… it’s that we deserve abandonment from God (Hell), and receive him. 

 

What we need is not self-esteem but rather trust.  We need to trust God fiercely, acknowledging our weaknesses willingly but having the unshakable confidence that God is with us, that he loves us, and that we will never be abandoned.  When we know these things at the deepest levels of our soul, we do not need to esteem ourselves any longer – nor do we need anyone else to do so.  Rather, we esteem God above all and live with the humble confidence only the gospel can produce in us.  Humble because we deserve nothing, confident because we have the One that matters for all eternity.

 

Friends, you do not need better self-esteem.  You need greater trust in the Creator, and you need to ask him for this trust.  He wants you to trust him, and empowers you to trust him.  First, turn from sin and trust in Christ’s work on the cross for the forgiveness of sin.  This is where you start if you have not done so before.  If you have, ask God the Holy Spirit to lead you into greater levels of trust and confidence in God.  Know that you are more loved than you can imagine, and go forward in the world with confidence in him.