MMA: What Is Your Marriage Teaching?

by Chris Ritter

Are you aware that your marriage is teaching others about marriage?  “Well,” you may say “I’m not exactly a teacher – I’ve never really given anyone advice about marriage, being a husband or wife, or anything of the sort.”  This does not let you off the hook my friend.  There are many popular phrases such as “more is caught than taught” telling us the same thing: your life is teaching others about what matters most.

 

Because more is caught than taught, and because humans are observant creatures, they pick up quickly (most of the time!) on things that matter most to you.  If they observe you consistently making time for your spouse, if they observe you consistently speaking well of your spouse to others even in the areas of your spouse’s weaknesses and so on, they will learn of your devotion to and love for your spouse.  If they observe you quickly giving away every evening for the first fun thing that comes up, or if they observe you demeaning your spouse and lifting yourself up, they will learn of your devotion to yourself and your possible despising of your spouse.

 

Your marriage teaches others about marriage.  But who is paying attention?  Just about everyone; but especially your children, younger single people, and anyone with plans to be married some day.  My suggestion for you is this:  figure out what others are learning from your marriage.  I know this is impossible to actually be the case, but try to imagine what someone would learn about marriage if they only had your marriage as an example.  If you did not have the ability to say anything to them, but only to show them by example, what would your marriage tell people? 

 

It’s a scary proposition, is it not?  It’s particularly scary if you are a Christian and have some knowledge about how God would have us live a) as Christians in general following Jesus, and b) as married people following Jesus together and seeking to emulate the relationship between Jesus and his Church. 

 

Fortunately, there is grace from God to cover our failures and sins.  God has given us teaching about marriage for us to hold up as a mirror as we look at our marriage, and he forgives our sin through Jesus Christ for all of our failings.  This should not lead us to shake off a sense of responsibility to teach others, but should make us grateful that my “what if” scenario about people only learning from marriage by watching us is not a real scenario (it makes me grateful at least!).

 

All this to say, take some time today to think about what your marriage is teaching others around you.  Ask God to give you perspective, a perspective outside of yourself such that you can observe your marriage.  Or if you really want to be gutsy, ask people who see your marriage often to list 3-5 things they are learning or have learned about marriage from your marriage.  Tell them to be as honest as possible and that your friendship with them will not be terminated if they say hard things.  We can all learn from other marriages… so what is yours teaching?

 

What sorts of things do you HOPE your marriage is teaching? 

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